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What’s a PPM? What do you know about ppm sugar daddy meaning? Men who aren’t familiar with sugaring often wonder what payment methods exist and how much they may invest in such a type of connection. What is PPM for a sugar daddy and his sugar baby? This concept usually refers to paying for sugar dates, and it has nothing to do with prostitution, so you should understand the whole idea of PPM meaning for seeking arrangement. Read this article to know everything about PPM arrangement and PPM allowance before diving into a fascinating world of sweet dates with the sexiest ladies you may find online!
Uncovering details of PPM meaning in dating
It isn’t a secret that a sugar relationship is about pleasant dates with gorgeous ladies who are ready to spend a fun time with men for some allowance. What does PPM stand for sugar daddy? Sugaring includes sponsorship, where a man is the main sponsor of a girl. Typically, guys may ask for a free first date, but most men prefer paying for it to give a sugar baby a guarantee. When you don’t know each other, there’s always a chance that you won’t be totally satisfied. To make sure that you won’t overpay when you give the allowance in advance, it’s better to provide payments for every meeting.
If you wonder what ppm stands for, bear in mind that there are two key payment forms in sugar relationships. Sugar daddies either pay a particular sum to sugar babies for each meeting or please their ladies with some gifts and pay for trips. The first method is called PPM. When looking closer at PPM meaning, it‘s basically a certain amount of money that a woman asks for her time with you. PPM may vary depending on the way of your communication and entertainment. It may include sex if you both have a mutual attraction or not. In all the cases, sugar daddies pay for every date, and the sum may differ.
PPM Arrangement: Does it differ from sex for money?
Some newbies to sugar relationships may think that bills for sugaring and payments for intimacy are the same things. In fact, every sugar baby has a right to choose whether she wants to have sex with a sugar daddy or not. When the man’s desire isn’t mutual, nobody can push the lady to do that for money. It’s the main difference between intimacy for money and PPM meaning dating. Yet, sex is a possible part of sugaring, and its payment is discussed between two partners.
A PPM date doesn’t guarantee that you’ll have intimacy at the first meeting. This industry is about interaction and special chemistry between a sugar daddy and a sugar baby but not about sex only. Typically, sugar partners want to discover more details about each other and their typical behavior, but it isn’t a rule. Additionally, a woman may agree to have the first date for no cost, but in this case, dinner in a restaurant can be paid for by a sugar daddy.
Is PPM allowance legal?
Yes, fees for dates are absolutely legitimate. Sugar dating platforms don’t offer any women for sale or any illegal perks. It isn’t equivalent to prostitution which is forbidden in numerous countries. Nobody can push a sugar baby to meet you, kiss, or have sex. All this happens only if both sugar partners want it. Sex isn’t the main purpose of sugar websites. Additionally, these sites don’t contain fake profiles, so the sugar ladies you meet there are genuine and real.
What average PPM do sugar daddies pay?
Men who want to try out sugaring are interested in learning about possible expenses. The average online sugar daddy payments vary from $1,000 to $5,000 per month. Some sugar girls get over $5,000 monthly, but it depends on their activity and individual prices. On average, sugar daddies pay around $200 for a date with inexperienced sugar babies. In case you set a date with a reputable sugar girl, you may pay up to $600. The total sum depends on the number of your dates and your personal arrangement.
Also, the total cost depends on the location, so in some cities, men pay more. If you’re searching for an ideal place for your new dating experience, you may choose from the next cities.
Miami—$6,166
New York—$5,692
Los Angeles—$5,448
Las Vegas—$5,306
Dallas—$4,721
Boston—$4,721
Cleveland—$4,620
When you’re going to try out dates with no strings attached in New York, it doesn’t mean that you’ll spend $5,692, but you should be ready to pay this sum. If you know what to expect, you can make a choice easier. In big cities, sugar babies tend to have big ambitions and requirements, so think about how much you’re ready to invest in a pleasant time with gorgeous and seductive ladies interested in having a fun time with guys like you.
Advantages and disadvantages of pay per date allowance
Sugar daddies across the globe who find sugar babies and pay them per meeting find numerous positive sides of this type of allowance. The pros are the next:
You won’t overpay for dates in advance if a sugar partner doesn’t suit you.
It gives the opportunity to date several sugar girls simultaneously.
You may end your sugar connection at any time without large financial losses.
You can control your expenses.
Some sugar daddies admit several cons, which may be the reasons why they don’t choose PPM. For some guys, it can be expensive (in case they have many regular dates), and it may seem like sex for money. However, sugar daddies who pay just for the first meeting don’t lose huge sums of money if they don’t like a particular sugar girl. It can turn out as a benefit when you’re not certain about this kind of connection.
What affects the ppm with a sugar baby?
Men who want to have a fun time with gorgeous sugar babies wonder how much should a sugar daddy pay per meet and what factors impact the total price. If you’d like to pay a reasonable sum, consider several factors. The type of relationship is the most important aspect in this case. If you’re focused on the platonic connection, you may pay less. When you start seeking sugar deals to set the best PPM allowance, pay attention to the next things:
The education level of a woman: Ladies with a high education level know their price and require bigger finances.
Sugar baby’s appearance: It’s logical that model-looking sugar babies ask for high cash.
Location: Women from big cities are used to getting more than ladies from small towns.
Age: You may choose girls of all ages, but keep in mind that younger girls ask more than mature sugar babes.
Distance between you: If the distance between you and your partner is large, prepare to pay for trips and extra expenses when you want to see her.
Extra preferences: When you expect something special from your sweet dates, be ready to invest more in your connection.
All men who are interested in mutually beneficial connections should know the PPM arrangement meaning well because the connection between a sugar baby and a sugar daddy can’t exist without mutual benefits. The cash aspect is highly important in this type of relationship, so you should decide how much you’re ready to pay for pleasant dates and what fee method is more preferred by you. When a sugar daddy pays per meet, he never overpays for a pleasant time with women and saves much money. With the knowledge of what PPM stands for, all you have to do is to choose what kind of connection is the most suitable and start a fascinating sweet story with the most seductive sugar baby who knows how to please you!
Six months ago, I decided to become a sugar baby.
My reasoning was simple. I'd grown frustrated with dating men in my city — maybe I'd just had one too many Tinder dates end in mediocre conversation. My day job offers me control over my schedule, since I don't work a traditional nine-to-five. I wanted to supplement my income and have some fun doing it, so I decided to try finding a sugar daddy.
For the uninitiated, "sugaring" is a form of dating in which one partner financially supports the other, often in the form of cash or gifts. As a woman in a major city with an appreciation for societal deviance, I figured the lifestyle might suit me well.
Whether it was exhaustion of millennial swiping, or maybe the thrill of experiencing life outside my usual means, I found myself creating a profile on the primary website for sugaring connections.
In the half-year since then, I've met some highly interesting people — not to mention I've received thousands of dollars in cash, trips across the country, access to five-star hotels and restaurants, and expensive gifts like shoes and clothing I never could have ordinarily afforded.
As with regular dating, if you dive into the sugaring lifestyle without an idea of what you want, you're likely to be disappointed.
Do you want a cash allowance, and do you have a set amount in mind? Is it certain bills you want covered? Do you want gifts, shopping, and travel? Having a clear idea of what kind of "sugar," or exchange, you want for the relationship is key.
How about the actual dating part — do you like dating older men? Because sugar daddies tend to be older than the women they date. How much time do you want to spend with your sugar daddy? And does your current lifestyle give you the freedom to do so?
In my short time as a sugar baby so far, men have paid me $500 a date and bought me designer clothes, $400 dinners, and stays at 5-star hotels I could never afford on my own
In the six months since I became a sugar baby, I've started relationships with men who pay me $500 a date and have purchased me shoes and outfits from designers I could never afford on my own. I dined at restaurants where the bill was $400, and we'd still leave hungry. I spent weekends tucked away in five-star hotels, lazily ordering room service with cringeworthy markups.
While I enjoy expensive dinners and staying in fancy hotels, ultimately I was searching for a friendly relationship that provides a cash allowance. Some men don't wish to provide an allowance, and I avoid meeting and dating those men, often called "experience daddies."
It's worth noting you should never become a sugar baby just for the money
If you're considering sugar dating solely for the money, it will be much more stressful, since it'll become a second job.
Sugar dating amplifies the faults of regular, or "vanilla," dating. You may receive messages from, go on first dates with, and be ghosted by far more men than in vanilla dating. And it's a bad idea to depend on sugar as a primary source of income, because there's never really any guarantee of stability.
Additionally, financial desperation makes you vulnerable to malicious men who have no intentions to provide sugar, or it might influence you to date men you otherwise wouldn't consider having a relationship with.
Anonymity is key for sugar babies and sugar daddies — I created an alter ego just for my online sugaring presence
It's common practice to adopt a sugar identity separate from your real-life identity. My online profile uses a generic name, and I do not disclose my real identity — even after I meet my sugar daddy in person, in some cases.
I'm glad I do that, since every sugar daddy I've met has similarly guarded his identity. I suggest creating an alter ego for anyone considering trying any sort of internet fringe dating, especially sugaring.
Along the same lines, I signed up for a few anonymous messaging apps, as well as a fake number. Popular messaging apps for "moving the conversation off the website" include WhatsApp, Kik, Snapchat, WeChat, and Signal, but a phone number is often the preferred method. I suggest getting a Google Voice number attached to an anonymous email account.
There's an art to making a sugar-baby profile — and certain precautions you have to take
Getting started with a dating profile as a sugar baby is pretty simple. I described my personality and wrote a few charming epithets that I thought might be appealing to the kind of man I'd like to spend time with.
The key thing is honesty, both in your self-descriptions and your pictures. While face-altering filters exist and can help mask your identity, apparently it's a turnoff for men. (And I've had men straight-up message me, "Thank goodness you don't have a dog-filter picture!")
I think the most common misconception about becoming a sugar baby is that sugar daddies are looking to date only 18-year-old blond models. This is largely untrue — being traditionally attractive certainly helps, but a sugar baby can look like any woman of just about any age. I don't get discouraged, and I try to attract only men who I think will find me attractive. Being deceptive with appearances will only hurt you later.
The secrecy of the sugaring lifestyle means I have to be careful about the pictures I use on my dating profiles. Many sugar daddies will run a reverse-image search of sugar babies' profile pictures in an attempt to avoid scammers who are using photos from models and influencers.
To protect my identity, I make sure not to use photos that exist anywhere on my social-media accounts. I have a strict "no cross-contamination" rule when it comes to photos. Also, I make sure I know which photos are viewable to the public and which are available by request only. I'll often check back and remove viewing privileges from certain men if the conversation didn't lead any further.
I quickly learned some of the lingo that sugar babies and sugar daddies use
After dipping my toes in the sugaring community, I began to adopt the language used by sugar babies and sugar daddies in the online world.
Sugar babies and sugar daddies are often referred to as SBs and SDs — partly for brevity's sake and partly because some people are weirded out by saying "baby" and "daddy."
There's the "meet and greet," or M&G — the sugaring community's term for a first date. Usually, money doesn't change hands here, though it's not unusual for the sugar baby to receive a small gift. Some of the things I've received on my first dates include stuffed animals, books, and $300 cash.
Some relationships are PPM, or "pay per meet" — in those arrangements, the sugar daddy gives the sugar baby a specified amount per date. In another type of relationship, sugar daddies give an "allowance" on a set schedule, like monthly or biweekly, either in cash or through a payment app like Venmo. Many relationships start out PPM, as it's less risky for the sugar daddy than setting up an allowance right away.
"Experience daddies" are the ones who don't pay sugar babies in money — just gifts like fine dining, hotel stays, and glamorous vacations. A "Splenda daddy" is a sugar daddy with a cheaper budget. And a "salt daddy" is just a jerk, especially if they're faking generosity just to get into your pants.
And though the term's a bit crass, sugar babies have to be wary of what the community calls a "pump and dump" — the common occurrence of a false sugar daddy not providing any allowance or PPM, getting intimate with a sugar baby, and ghosting. To avoid falling victim to one of these, you should never initiate any intimacy with a sugar daddy unless you've already received your sugar.
Before I meet up with any guy, I iron out the terms of our arrangement
To get what I was looking for out of a sugar relationship, I had to become comfortable bringing it up with men.
There are plenty of men on the site trying to get laid free, so I learned to not assume they'd provide any financial compensation on their own.
I would bring up the subject before the meet-and-greet. When I first began meeting men off the site, I was pretty timid about even mentioning an allowance — and regrettably realized they had no intention of sugaring me.
Some people would say on their profiles that they "don't want anything transactional," usually meaning they don't want to pay for sex or dating — in fact, the word "transactional" in a profile is pretty much a red flag that sugar babies avoid at all costs.
A lot of sugar daddies are married, which provides some challenges
Though there are no age limits for sugar babies and sugar daddies, it's common for a sugar daddy to be significantly older than the sugar baby.
And in many cases, the sugar daddy is married.
Having an extramarital sugar baby requires some level of discretion. Being recognized in public could cause either of you personal or professional distress, not to mention it could lower your sugaring prospects.
Personally, I didn't have a problem dating sugar daddies who were married. After all, they were the ones who contacted me — and if they are willing to go through the effort of messaging me and agreeing on an arrangement, they'd be willing to do it for someone else.
All sugar babies have to decide how much of a commitment they want with their sugar daddies
It's important to be on the same page about how much of a time commitment you want in your sugaring relationship.
Some sugar daddies want to meet several times a week, while others prefer once a month.
I find myself liking the attention of men who enjoy hearing from me throughout the week but don't need my attention all day, every day. I certainly can enjoy the company of an older man and don't have qualms about being seen in public with a sugar daddy. It's a decision every person needs to make for themselves.
There are a ton of safety concerns I have to keep in mind as a sugar baby — as well as scams that fake sugar daddies try to run
On top of setting up a Google Voice number, there are several other safety precautions I had to take as I got deeper into the sugaring lifestyle.
For one, it's always good to let people know where you are when you're meeting strangers from the internet. I tell all my dates that I have a friend I need to check in with on first dates, and I have never had a negative response to this. Everyone agrees — safety first.
I also was very careful when accepting Uber rides or Venmo transactions early on in a relationship. Giving away your address or your regular Venmo handle is giving away free information. In an age where our phone apps hold so much personal information, being in control of the flow of your personal information is vital.
When I first made my profile, I got an initial flood of messages from men. "How did they even find me?" I wondered. The answer is that scammers prey on new accounts. I learned to hold the excitement for a bit and I got comfortable recognizing and weeding out the scammy, copy-paste introductions.
Additionally, I quickly realized that anyone who asks you for your bank information to send you money before you've met is a scammer. A common scam involves them sending a check or MoneyGram in excess of your allowance and asking you to purchase a gift card with the excess. This scam works on naive sugar babies who think they've received a large gift, when in reality they've cashed in on money that their bank will eventually find is fake, while the scammer walks away with a free gift card.
Even after meeting, there are plenty of better methods to send you your allowance. No one needs your personal information to wire to your bank as if it's the 1990s. As the eternal truth stands — cash is king.
I don't consider what I do sex work, but sugar babies have a range of opinions on it
Lots of sugar babies shudder at the idea of what they do as sex work.
I think of sugaring as an enjoyable deviance with a financial benefit, and while I don't consider it sex work, I understand why some might.
When opening yourself up to fringe dating of any sort, you'll attract men with varying goals. Some men are looking to spend $200 for a quick romp. Other men will want to provide a monthly allowance and business insight for their dates, have an intimate relationship, and even consider marriage down the line.
I find myself somewhere in the middle. I don't enjoy one-night stands, and I definitely enjoy indulging in a relationship, but wouldn't consider something permanent with any of the men I've been on sugar dates with.
Interestingly, not all sugar daddies want a sexual or intimate relationship
Some sugar babies will ask about platonic arrangements, being turned off by the idea of intimacy with a sugar daddy.
Not surprisingly, most sugar daddies won't see the value in financially providing for a sugar baby without intimacy.
That said, I have actually met two so far, but not because I went looking for such an arrangement. In one case, the man had some qualms about being intimate, so he paid me for an afternoon of tea and board games, and we had a lovely afternoon just not being lonely.
You don't find these situations — they find you.
And yes, 'sugar mamas' exist — but they're exceedingly hard to find
Often on forums where sugaring is discussed, it's very common for newer sugar babies to ask for advice from the community. One of the most popular repeated posts are men looking for "sugar mamas."
The overwhelming response is: Women do not need to pay for sex, and therefore, sugar mamas are next to impossible to find.
That is not to say they don't exist, but they are the exception, not the rule.
Being a sugar baby requires a lot of patience — but it's worth it
Sugar babies get cash and gifts to go on dates with their sugar daddies. Getty Images
As sugaring becomes more mainstream, the potential to have your time wasted by a Splenda daddy or a scammer increases.
Becoming a sugar baby requires a great deal of patience and willingness to go on bad dates before you find someone you want to pursue a relationship with.
But it can also be incredibly rewarding and a great deal of fun. I've taken multiple flights, received a wide range of allowances and gifts, and met some very interesting people during my short time as a sugar baby.
The lifestyle may not be for everyone, but it works for me.
Yes, monogamy has traditionally governed the world of romantic relationships. But open marriages and open relationships are becoming more acceptable as modern couples look for alternatives to traditional coupling. Steering away from convention, however, doesn’t mean diving into the Wild West of love and sex. Open marriages have just as many — if not more — guidelines for keeping all of the involved parties happy. There are many variations of open relationship rules, but they all require trust and understanding.
So what do these rules look like? We spoke to a variety of couples in open relationships who offered some advice for couples who are curious. Expanding the bounds of your relationship takes works, and it takes discipline, they all said. It can also offer a new level of emotional and physical intimacy. Here are the big open marriage rules to live and love by.
5 Rules for a Successful Open Relationship
1. Don’t Leave Your Lovers in the Dark
One of the perks of an open marriage is that it gives you a license to pursue sexual encounters outside of your relationship. With that level of leniency and that kind of explicit permission put in place, there really is no reason to lie. If you’re gearing up to go out on a date, keep your partner in the know. Maybe they want to meet the person. Maybe they want to share with you their thoughts surrounding the first impression. John and his wife have been practicing non-monogamy for the better part of their relationship. Initially, she gave him permission to sleep with other people, so long as he didn’t tell her about it. But John rejected that idea. He knew she would eventually find out, and he knew that would hurt her. “My rule is that everybody gets to know, and they get to know before I really get involved,” he said. “It’s important to get your partner’s honest, gut reaction.”
2. Don’t Treat Your Secondary Partner Like a Second-Class Partner
In the world of polyamory, there are “primary partners,” and there are “secondary partners.” Primary partnerships typically supersede secondary relationships. You might, for instance, be legally married to your primary partner. You may share a home. You may have children together. You may a series of shared responsibilities that force you to prioritize that relationship over others you will eventually fall into. That does not, however, give you the license to treat your secondary partners with any less respect or consideration than you give to your primary partner. “Polyamory is still in a developmental state and it’s not really clear how everybody can be good to everybody,” says John. Though, he notes, it’s not all that hard to remain compassionate. It’s not all that hard to remain mindful of other people’s feelings.
3. Talk About Protection
While open relationships require flexibility, there are some non-negotiable to establish. Entertaining a conversation concerning safe sex is one of them. “It’s crucial that these ground rules be discussed and agreed upon in advance. This is a matter of ethics and consent,” says Patricia Jonson. She’s been with her partner Mark for nearly 20 years. During that time, they’ve engaged in various forms of non-monogamy. They’ve even put together some books on the subject. Some folks may insist on condoms during each encounter. Others cater the rules to the specific relationships they’re involved in. Judith has been involved in an open relationship for the past eight years. Her rule is that condoms must be used for at least six months into a new sexual relationship. “That’s the time it takes for me to vet someone,” she says. Talk to your partner(s), and figure out what works for everyone involved.
4. Sort Out the Sleeping Arrangements
Different couples will come to different agreements concerning sleeping arrangements. If you live alone, or with your primary partner, then spending an occasional night out might not be such a big deal. But if you have a family at home, things can get messy. When John and his wife first decided to go the open marriage route, they had two young children at home. “We established a rule where we would agree to come home at the end of the night. We would both be back in bed together,” he explained. “We wanted to protect our kids. We wanted to emphasize our dyadic relationship.” As time went on, they started to bend the rules. “Within a year we were comfortable enough with poly that we were fine with one of us going away for a weekend with a lover while the other stayed home with the kids.” Again, different families demand different kinds of structure. Do your best to figure out which one works for you and yours.
5. Remain Flexible
It’s important to have structure when diving into new territory, this applies to open marriages as well. “Having rules is a way of ensuring emotional alignment while establishing a foundation for exploring more freely,” says Patricia. But it’s also important to recognize that people change. And when that happens, it might be time to adjust the rules accordingly. “Don’t complicate things more than you have to,” says Judith. “Be negotiable.” And, remember, people aren’t perfect. The more rules we have in place, the more opportunity we have to slip up. When that happens, it’s important we don’t despair. “Be forgiving,” says Judith. “We are all human. I made some pretty significant errors in judgment when I first started out in this lifestyle. I didn’t know any better. I was still living by society’s traditional rule-book. But you have to realize that this particular relationship style removes us from their values and morals. You have to shift your view and look at things with a new set of eyes.”
We all should remember this few important rules..
While you may think that you have risen to the ranks of Casanova in spinning affairs,
it is the little things that give you away. Having an affair is obviously scorned upon and nobody likes to make it too apparent. To keep your relationship or marriage intact, it might pay to learn a thing or two about hiding affairs. Read on to find out more about the art of infidelity.
1. The Curse of Technology
Back in the old days, spinning affairs used to be a piece of cake. However, in the contemporary realm, your privacy is at the mercy of technology. You are bound to leave ‘digital’ tracks which may lead your partner to discover your unholy sins. These digital tracks include your call log, record of conversations on your phone or social networking sites, emails etc. Develop a system to constantly wipe you digital tracks to play it safe. Clear the Internet history or better yet use the incognito browsing mode.
2. Engineer an Inscrutable Alibi
Weak or phony alibis are the most common things that makes an affair apparent. You need to put some serious thought into your alibis which seems to be fairly plausible and confirmable. Recommended alibis include regular engagements like a cooking class, gym or anything else that suits your profile.
3. Use the Power of Vagueness
When you throw around concrete and specific lies, it becomes exceedingly simple for your partner to verify their veracity. By being vague and not too specific you can always evade from getting caught. However, this may not work every time, as sooner or later your partner is bound to realize that something is fishy.
4. Don’t Advertise
Some people have a peculiar need of brandishing their affairs among their friends. However, you may completely trust your friends but you can never eliminate the possibility of them divulging the secret about your affair by mistake. To keep the matter simple and private, don’t advertise it.
5. Work on Your Act
There is a good possibility that a change may creep into your behavior towards your spouse. The nervousness or guilt inherent in your demeanor might just give you away. Work upon these issues and bury them in the depths of your heart. Try giving a reason to your affair so that it makes sense and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
6. Remember your Lies
Another fairly common and rather dumb mistake people commit is forgetting their lies. Devise lies that are fairly simple but do not seem contrived. The art of lying is in the details but ensure to remember those details.
7. Place of Rendezvous
While it may seem highly unlikely that you would run into your wife while meeting your extra-marital lover, you would be confounded by the odds of that happening in reality. Never take things for granted and steer clear of places that are in close proximity of the places frequented by your spouse. It also helps to avoid popular places as you never know who you might run into there.
8. Keep things Separate
Prepaid cell phones might just be your panacea. They are easy to use, even easier to dispose and they help to separate your affair from your married life. Register for a new email address and instant messenger account to simplify and separate things. Also don’t forget to uncheck the ‘remember email and password’ option.
9. Don’t Make Change Apparent
You might be tempted to buy a new wardrobe, get a new haircut or join the gym to woo your new partner. However, an increased attention towards your looks may seem plain out of the blue to your spouse and arouse suspicion.
10. Abide by the Relationship
While you are having an affair it might help to reaffirm your existing relationship. To avoid arousing unwarranted doubt, give your partner the right attention and satisfy her needs. Be on time, attend her calls, be supportive and take an extra initiative to please your partner. It pays to be the perfect husband when you are committing adultery.
11. The Trail
More often than not, there is always a trail that links your partner to your extra-marital partner. It can be through social circles, workplace contacts or practically anything. The important thing to heed here is to be wary of the formation of this trail as sooner or later it builds up and apparently ruin your life.
12. Paper Trail
You may not know but your credit card and phone bills may be under constant review if your partner tends to be suspicious. Any unusual purchases on your credit card statement might encourage your partner to doubt your fidelity. The solution for this problem is fairly simple i.e. using cash for all of your purchases for your secret lover.
13. Avoid the Obvious
It goes without saying to steer clear of the things that make an affair too obvious. Consistently staying out late at night, having an irregular schedule, not being available/accountable for long intervals of time are some of the few obvious mistakes.
14. The Little things
The key to hide an affair is attention to detail. While you may overlook some trivial things, it is those trivial things that blow your cover. These things include perfume or smell of your extra marital partner, her accessories or hair left with you, lipstick marks or other little things of the like. Don’t use overwhelming amounts of perfume to cover the smell of your extra marital partner. Rather, take a bath. It also helps to have some spare clothes at hand to hide any unintended marks on your clothes.
Having an extra-marital affair have its own perks but things may spiral out of control and turn into a nightmare if you don’t handle them with proper care. Unlike other things in life, you don’t get better with mistakes as you only get a few chances when it comes to having an affair.
By Sandeep Sharma
Man looking at evidence on board of wife cheating.
Most married couples don’t ever imagine their relationship ending in infidelity. But the truth is that cheating occurs in even the happiest marriages. Why? Loneliness can play a major role in affairs, as does boredom, impulsivity, and alcohol. Sometimes a close relationship with a colleague is taken too far during a long night at the office. Other times a spouse turns to infidelity to fill a physical or emotional void left unfilled. But the root causes differ with every relationship — and rarely does the infidelity follow a recognizable script. For example, married women cheat just as often as married men.
“We have this idea socially that men are cheaters, all men are susceptible to cheating, that men are dogs, right?” says Alicia M. Walker, an associate professor of sociology at Missouri State University. “But the data tells a very different story.”
In the process of writing her book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity, Walker learned that women cheat at the same rates as men, if not more. Turns out, the cheating wife is not an anomaly. And depending on the age group and behavior, sometimes women cheat even more often than men. “Way more women are cheating than we think,” she says. “We just don’t like to talk about it and we don’t like to think about it. You don’t want to think that your neighbor, your Sunday school teacher, or your friend is doing this. But the reality is, you know a woman who’s cheating, you just don’t know that she is.”
Why Do Women Cheat?
So why do women cheat? Some women cheat to avoid boredom; other women cheat because they feel neglected. Still, other women say they cheat just because they want to. The reasons for infidelity are complex and unique to each relationship. Walker makes clear, there’s no one specific reason for infidelity within a marriage.
“A lot of the time the reasons are physical, sometimes they’re emotional, and, sometimes, as much as we don’t want to admit this or know this, sometimes it’s just a matter of somebody having an opportunity,” says Walker. “There’s a lot of data showing that a woman will have an affair with a coworker and are more likely to report that ‘My marriage is great and I’m super satisfied. I literally saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.'”
The concept of a cheating wife contrasts a lot with what our culture tells us about women. To many, the thought triggers stronger reactions than that of a cheating man, which is more expected based on historical norms. “We want to think of women as not particularly sexual unless they’re deeply in love or they’re married or in some monogamous relationship of some kind,” Walker says. “We just don’t want to think that women are just as sexual and just as interested in having sex with multiple partners or a variety of partners or they get bored with marital sex.”
What to Do About Cheating in Marriage
Given the emotional and financial tolls of cheating, (not to mention their impact on children, which is bigger still) rethinking our preconceptions about female infidelity is only the beginning. Open minds are important, but when it comes to preventing infidelity, communication is paramount. All relationships need to begin with honest conversations about sex, preferably before marriage.
“Something that some of the women in my study brought up that I never thought about was that when they were searching for an affair partner, they were having these candid, frank discussions about sexual compatibility and sexual preferences,” says Walker. “When I got married, I never had any of these conversations, and I started thinking, ‘You know, that’s true, we don’t have those conversations.’ We kind of wander into these romantic pairings and we fall in love and we kind of think that the sex is going to take care of itself. But, according to the data, that’s not true.”
First, it’s important to be open to what your spouse is interested in. A lot of the women Walker interviewed said that when they talked freely about their fantasies or desires, they were met with disgust that made them feel ashamed. Cheating presented them with an opportunity to feel validated and accepted.
“It was really pretty sobering, to be honest with you,” Walker says. “This is a person who’s pledged to love you for all time and you say to them, ‘Hey, I want to try role-playing,’ or whatever it is, and then think about having the person that you love and trust the most say, ‘That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you?’ If you listen to that for years, and then in walks somebody who’s not only like, ‘That’s not disgusting,’ but they’re into it, you can see how attractive that would be.”
Infidelity Versus Open Marriages
In conducting her research, Walker was surprised to also learn that a lot of the women that she interviewed were interested in the prospect of an open marriage.
“They don’t want to leave their husband, they love their husband, they’ve got a great life, but what they really want is variety in their sexual partners,” she says. “It’s not just, ‘Oh, I want my husband, and I want this one affair,’ it’s: ‘I want my husband and I want to taste all the parts of the menu!’ ”
Walker also discovered that most cheating wives see the act as an exercise in power. Old-fashioned chivalry feeds into socially accepted norms that can put women into subordinate roles early on in the relationship. For women who cheat, infidelity can feel like a means of taking back that power.
“They always felt like they had been chosen, rather than choosing themselves,” she says. “And then they go online to Ashley Madison, or any other site, and there are all these men, and now they’re choosing rather than being chosen.”
They’re given the opportunity to have autonomy over their relationship in a way that many of them have been stripped of within their relationships, despite being otherwise fulfilled in other realms. In the end, attentiveness is the key. When you’re with your spouse, Walker says it’s vital to make sure you’re thinking of her needs as well as your own. If you’re not, some could feel compelled to look elsewhere.
“You should really start looking at your own behavior in the bedroom and really make sure that you’re holding up your end of the table. Because, if you’re not, there’s somebody out there who’s more than willing to do that.”
